Snork

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Dan

Dan

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May 25, 2008
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LOL Allen!



Made me think of a thing;

My brother once said the same thing to his harris(SP) wife. (The guy is banned for life from the CT Governor's mansion. Another long story)

One morning she woke him up and asked for a ride. As this woman could not operate a can opener, not a far reaching request.

He said no and rolled back over. She asked again later and he replied; "Just take your broom!"

snork


A month or so later, my dear brother stole a box I got in Ukraine that was filled with paper money from around the world. A major loss and especially so as some of the countries no longer even existed. Not to mention the shear cost. (and knowing him, was pawned)

As I confronted him, she, giggling (the woman was not all there) She asked "Where was my sense of humor?"


I replied; "It's out in the back yard. Go root for it"
 
Goat Herder

Goat Herder

Gutter Rider
Apr 28, 2008
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Remember The War Of The Roses movie? Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. Directed by Danny DeVito

There was this scene were there both at the dinner table and Kathleen says ''Woof Woof''.;)rotfl
 
Ludwig II

Ludwig II

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Jul 17, 2012
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If at first you don't succeed,
then parachuting is not for you.

I got a letter on the doormat this morning..It says on the envelope DO NOT BEND.. How the **** am I supposed to pick it up then?

I see that the Bellringers from the parish church in Wellow have completed a record breaking 24 hour bell ringing marathon, and have won the No Peace Bell Prize.....

Irish water ski team disbanded. Unable to find sloping lake.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

There was a golfer who saw a funeral go by the side of the course. He stopped, raised his hat and waited for the procession to pass by. Well, she'd been a good wife to him.







 
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Dan

Dan

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Just saw this on the show "Drunk History" (TV show) But Al Capone wanted to be called "Snorky" in prison and after he went insane with a social illness that brought him to his end. Really funny youtube vid but to much cursing to post here.
 
Ludwig II

Ludwig II

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I just read about a man who took an airline to court over his lost luggage.

He lost his case.
 
Allen_Wrench

Allen_Wrench

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Feb 6, 2010
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In other news: scientists spliced the genes of an alligator and a homing pigeon, so now we can get quality airline luggage that doesn't get lost.
 
Chaz

Chaz

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Jun 3, 2012
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BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers Go On Strike



Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72 to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
 
Dan

Dan

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Dang! For some reason I missed this whole page Chaz, Greg, Dave and Intrepid.

I had a Bart Simpson quote but completely lost it reading the above.....
 
Davezilla

Davezilla

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Chaz said:
BBC News - UK Suicide Bombers Go On Strike



Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Wednesday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this April from 72 to 54. A spokesman said that increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants explained, "I sympathize with our workers concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands."

They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures, or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim Jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
Click to expand...
I've heard that part of this strike was due to too many of the younger suicide bombers not being ensured that the 72 or the now 54 virgins will all be female, some members from the Fasciest Agression Group simply said this would be ok as long as they got the entire 72 while others were still pondering this before donning the dynomite vests again. The other terrorist groups are waiting for their grand union leader Mas Saj MaRahd to respond before going back to work. Commonwealth United National Terrorist leader Abdulla Asa Wholla has only replied that forced labor would be considered if this strike didn't end by Monday. This is all I've heard about this so far...
 
Dan

Dan

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Re; suicide bombers..

I was just saying this to a friend. If I was gonna blow myself up and be rewarded with 72 woman, I'd ask at least a few be hard core working girls.

Who would want 72 inexperienced woman for a harum?

wut?
 
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