Snork
- Thread starter Dan
- Start date
Oh man...
The really funny part was you could see the fail coming from the start.
I'll never forget the one offender who didn't report to sign up for probation in the reasonable amount of time, and when I called to learn why, he tried to explain that he suffered from chronic hypothermia. He said that on the day he was to report he had an outbreak. Bad, blinding headaches and dizziness, he said. Had to get a prescription and go on bedrest. Couldn't come in yet.
So I told him he had a choice. He could fax me a copy of the prescriptions or medical paperwork, which would suffice to excuse him and spare him getting a warrant, or he could report within the hour (since according to his own presentence info, he lived a mile from our building) - because I happen to know what hypothermia is.
So Chilly Willy shows up in a half hour. Turns out he was worried we'd drug test him that day. Well, we don't usually test on the first day...
So I told him he had a choice. He could fax me a copy of the prescriptions or medical paperwork, which would suffice to excuse him and spare him getting a warrant, or he could report within the hour (since according to his own presentence info, he lived a mile from our building) - because I happen to know what hypothermia is.
So Chilly Willy shows up in a half hour. Turns out he was worried we'd drug test him that day. Well, we don't usually test on the first day...
I got flowers today. I saw the guy coming up the walkway and I thought he was selling them.
Nope, for me. Cool, my new girlfriend must really like me eh?
Nope. But my broker does. Good 'ole Merrill Lynch -
Nope, for me. Cool, my new girlfriend must really like me eh?
Nope. But my broker does. Good 'ole Merrill Lynch -
Dunno why "totally Tomatoes" is so funny, but it is.
Who wakes up and says to their spouse; "Huny! I know how we'll get rich. Open a mail order, web based tomato seed, store front on the internet! Just for all those tomato loving enthusiasts."
Knew a guy who sold used golf balls for a living. (read that again slowly. He infact could make a living selling used golf balls)
Before our host, Paul, made some changes. Most mornings over coffee, I would just delete the spam from little blue pill and hardwood flooring sales folks.
Who wakes up and thinks a forum about taking perfectly good bicycles and strapping motors on them is a good place to try and sell E.D. meds and flooring?
Just funny and good, I guess. We live in a time when at 3AM, you can order unicorn meat and have it shipped right to your door....
https://urbantimes.co/2014/05/weird-things-for-sale-online/
Who wakes up and says to their spouse; "Huny! I know how we'll get rich. Open a mail order, web based tomato seed, store front on the internet! Just for all those tomato loving enthusiasts."
Knew a guy who sold used golf balls for a living. (read that again slowly. He infact could make a living selling used golf balls)
Before our host, Paul, made some changes. Most mornings over coffee, I would just delete the spam from little blue pill and hardwood flooring sales folks.
Who wakes up and thinks a forum about taking perfectly good bicycles and strapping motors on them is a good place to try and sell E.D. meds and flooring?
Just funny and good, I guess. We live in a time when at 3AM, you can order unicorn meat and have it shipped right to your door....
https://urbantimes.co/2014/05/weird-things-for-sale-online/
I remember the flooring. Gad, that was way back when I was just lurking about once every other week. Oh, and those pills *were* for ED, weren't they? I think I remember them too.