Snork

The other day, a couple of co-workers were 'debating' the "cup half full/empty" school of thought. They then asked me what I thought...........I replied that it didn't matter to me because I was the one that consumed the first half. Then I just walked away.

True story just in case you're wondering.....:D
 
LOL! That face makes ya wanna pick him up, rub his ears and tell him he is no fellin'

"who's a good boy and in no way guilty? Who's a good boy?

as my cat, Stewie is trying to get at my Capt. Crunch (with crunch berries!)
Cats crave crunch berries.
little known fact
 
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Dan said:
"Every two weeks I need to sand down my toe nails. They're too strong for clippers."

Ron Swanson
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are you sure they're toe nails and not claws? fangs and horns might also begin to grow... maybe try cutting when the moon is not full... :D
 
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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead . I just can’t take that chance!"
 
I got a small bag of smoked almonds on my way home from work. After I finished the bag, I turned it over and glanced at the ingredients.......and looky what I found!!

I really wonder if the nimrod that can't connect two dots can even read!
 

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In defense of warning labels on products, I once called a company and asked why they felt it necessary to put a warning on a windshield sun shade they made.

"Warning: Do not attempt to drive vehicle with sun shade in place. Remove before operating your vehicle"

I was told it was a U.S. Government regulation that the warning be on the sun shade. It was to protect the morons out there who might actually try to drive a car with the windshield covered. But also to protect the company from litigation should the moron crash and try to sue them. Good grief.

Tom
 
Here's my favorite. I have it hanging in my garage.

Tom
 

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It's the real deal. Here in CA we have a state law that protects us all from the bad stuff.

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Like this here sheet of plywood. Looks like just a piece of wood eh?

Looks can be deceiving though, this plywood can kill you with the slowest most expensive angonizing death you can imagine.
 
Yep! Splinters from genuine California plywood are the worst!

Tom, please forgive me if I print that out and stick it up in my garage too.
I might modify the first line though to read "Warning! The state of California has".... you get the picture.
 
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Mike B said:
It's the real deal. Here in CA we have a state law that protects us all from the bad stuff.

3264543647_6b3cbe7e4f_o.jpg


Like this here sheet of plywood. Looks like just a piece of wood eh?

Looks can be deceiving though, this plywood can kill you with the slowest most expensive angonizing death you can imagine.
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Mike,
Do not eat that plywood. I'm sure you'll die an agonizing death if you consume more than three 4 by 8 sheets a day. California is only concerned with your well being.

Tom
 
My iron came with a label that said not to use the iron on your clothes while wearing them. I would have thought that to be self evident, but what worries me is that the existence of the label probably means that somebody has tried this before, and the manufacturer wishes now to avoid lawsuits.
It only takes a couple working neurons to deduce that ironing the clothes you have on right now is a fantastically bad decision.
 
Did the label contain the maximum amount of alcoholic beverages that could be consumed before the commencement of said ironing?
 
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