Snork
- Thread starter Dan
- Start date
Originally Posted by Buzzard
"Burning corn juice is like making love in a canoe... its damn close to water.
buzzard"
Was sitting in a bar when the Coors salesman came in. He ordered a Budweiser. The only thing holding me up on my stool was habit and Perseverance. So I thought it 2 funny not to ask why he drank Bud while selling Coors lite. He replied it was like making love in a canoe. "effin' to close to watter"
"Burning corn juice is like making love in a canoe... its damn close to water.
buzzard"
Was sitting in a bar when the Coors salesman came in. He ordered a Budweiser. The only thing holding me up on my stool was habit and Perseverance. So I thought it 2 funny not to ask why he drank Bud while selling Coors lite. He replied it was like making love in a canoe. "effin' to close to watter"
Was sitting in a bar one Friday afternoon with some coworkers from the company I worked for. One of them ordered a Bud, while the rest of us had either Coors, Miller, or a margarita. I said, "anyone who'd drink Bud would work for Tolin", a very rival company. A guy about 6 foot three 290 pounds was sitting next to us. He leaned forward and said, "What's wrong with Tolin?" he was wearing a shirt with 'Tolin Air Conditioning' on his massive chest.
Five foot ten, 145 pound me, bought him him next beer.
Tom
Five foot ten, 145 pound me, bought him him next beer.
Tom
Okay guys, if I haven't seen it all today, I've come real close. Here in Indy we've still got ice on the roads in places. I'm driving home from work in my van and, to my right, I see a guy on a (non-motorized) bike. He's suited up like an eskimo, pedaling away, and TEXTING with his right hand. This man isn't even looking where he's going, or paying attention to the ice he's riding on or the traffic he should be in sync with.
My hand was on the window button before I knew what I was doing, and I found myself yelling out "You're friggin' nuts! You know that, right?" I'm not sure he knew I was talking to him.
My hand was on the window button before I knew what I was doing, and I found myself yelling out "You're friggin' nuts! You know that, right?" I'm not sure he knew I was talking to him.
years ago i was hungover and driving the F350 crew cab dually with toolbeds, winch bumper, ladder rack, etc... to work and as i was lighting a smoke i watched in slow motion as the guy in front of me's $10,000 road bike rolled offa his roof mounted bike rack and went underneath my truck, where it got stuck.
i was in the fast lane doing about 65, and had to drag the thing to the side of the freeway. the guy pulled over a little bit ahead of me and comes running back, and helped me drag his mangled, completely destroyed "bike" from underneath the truck.
it seriously looked like, well, it looked like it had been stuck under a truck and dragged for a 1/4 mile.
the guy was whining and almost in tears, 'cause nothing was salvageable at all.
i felt kinda bad, but like i said, i was hungover, and now late for work, so i asked him for his insurance paperwork in case anything was wrong with the truck. he hadn't even thought about that. he was too obsessed with his bike.
luckily, the truck was ok...
i was in the fast lane doing about 65, and had to drag the thing to the side of the freeway. the guy pulled over a little bit ahead of me and comes running back, and helped me drag his mangled, completely destroyed "bike" from underneath the truck.
it seriously looked like, well, it looked like it had been stuck under a truck and dragged for a 1/4 mile.
the guy was whining and almost in tears, 'cause nothing was salvageable at all.
i felt kinda bad, but like i said, i was hungover, and now late for work, so i asked him for his insurance paperwork in case anything was wrong with the truck. he hadn't even thought about that. he was too obsessed with his bike.
luckily, the truck was ok...
Dan, you should call it Snork Magazine.
You are right, too, anywhere you can get a couple MB guys together is a party!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqLwPmVqcfw
scene from Stone Cold biker movie hahaha
re: "Hey, did you guys ever go back and read this whole thread? Freakin' hysterical. Proving once again MBers are about a half a bubble off plumb but to the good. I ever hit lotto and we are gonna do some sort of party thing. I just gotta figure out how to do that sort of thing with out me having a beer. (No kidding, just don't know how to act, lol)
Gonna take some of your guy's/Gal's quotes for the MB Magazine. With your permission of course."
re: mangled road bike.
Wow, He can afford a $10,000 road bike, but not a quality roof rack? Oops! That's why I put my bikes in the back of a pickup or van.
One time I had a comfort bike fall off my car rack, and I pulled over, ran out to throw it off the roadway, and cars wouldn't even slow down at all. They drove around the bike and almost "mangled" me! Yikes! I got the bike, but the wheel was busted. Oh well. Lesson learned.
Stupid woman texting on phone, walks into mall water fountain and falls, sues the mall for not stopping her. She wants punitive damages because the mall guards laughed at her. http://www.cellular-news.com/story/47498.php
You are right, too, anywhere you can get a couple MB guys together is a party!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqLwPmVqcfw
scene from Stone Cold biker movie hahaha
re: "Hey, did you guys ever go back and read this whole thread? Freakin' hysterical. Proving once again MBers are about a half a bubble off plumb but to the good. I ever hit lotto and we are gonna do some sort of party thing. I just gotta figure out how to do that sort of thing with out me having a beer. (No kidding, just don't know how to act, lol)
Gonna take some of your guy's/Gal's quotes for the MB Magazine. With your permission of course."
re: mangled road bike.
Wow, He can afford a $10,000 road bike, but not a quality roof rack? Oops! That's why I put my bikes in the back of a pickup or van.
One time I had a comfort bike fall off my car rack, and I pulled over, ran out to throw it off the roadway, and cars wouldn't even slow down at all. They drove around the bike and almost "mangled" me! Yikes! I got the bike, but the wheel was busted. Oh well. Lesson learned.
Stupid woman texting on phone, walks into mall water fountain and falls, sues the mall for not stopping her. She wants punitive damages because the mall guards laughed at her. http://www.cellular-news.com/story/47498.php
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Dan, you should call it Snork Magazine.
Stupid woman texting on phone, walks into mall water fountain and falls, sues the mall for not stopping her. She wants punitive damages because the mall guards laughed at her. Woman Who Fell in Water Fountain While Texting to Sue the Shopping Mall
Oh crimeny!
What next; A person uses a public toilet in a mall, does not wipe their hiney when done, gets diaper rash, and sues the mall because the toilet did not wipe for them?
What ever happened to being responsible for your own actions?
We bring that up daily where I work. Offenders will complain that they now have trouble getting a job, an apartment, even a girlfriend, all because they are now being treated like a convicted criminal (they are all post-sentence so, yes, they have been convicted of a crime) and they'll say that they wouldn't have to go through all this if the cops hadn't busted them.
We employees are often extra nice to the ones we get who come out and say "Yeah, I did something stupid. What do you guys need me to do?" IF that doesn't give us a heart-attack first, we'll bend over backwards for those rare individuals.
Had a woman sue a passenger ferry I worked on. Walking on 300 feet of flat space that is sort of a floating parking garage, she tripped and hurt her ankle. Sued for 30 some thing grand. Her husband sued for 12K for (not kidding) "alienation of affection"
Call JG Wentworth...... lol
Call JG Wentworth...... lol
A few years back this moron teenager BROKE INTO the gym at a local university. He got on a trampoline, fell off and broke his neck. Now a quadriplegic, he sued the collage and the trampoline manufacturer...and won.
If I would have had my way he would have spent several years in jail, in his wheelchair for the B&E charge, and the judge that allowed the suit to come to trial would have been disbarred, along with the kid's lawyer.
Personal responsibility is dead in this country and our judicial system has become a joke. Too bad.
Tom
If I would have had my way he would have spent several years in jail, in his wheelchair for the B&E charge, and the judge that allowed the suit to come to trial would have been disbarred, along with the kid's lawyer.
Personal responsibility is dead in this country and our judicial system has become a joke. Too bad.
Tom
I gotta agree with ya Tom. Sad part is the jury sees a kid in a chair and whats right ain't always whats right. Jim at MaxTorque told me a similar story. Kid, B&E and a major "Oh sheet" They got money out of it. Guys I work with hope for MVAs thinking the judicial system is some sort of lottery. Just once I would like to see a counter suit for defamation, court costs and frivolous litigation. For the exact sum awarded plus $1.
Just pmo! Used to get nutz about corporations and big biz screwing the little people with lies, fluffery, spin. Then realized a whole bunch of us are trying to screw them. I may have an odd definition of "rich" and that is I live in doors. I have not missed a meal my entire adult life unless by choice. Would any more toys make me any happier?
Sorry about the rant. It just PMO.
Return to your regularly scheduled thread topic. (if we had one, lol)
Just pmo! Used to get nutz about corporations and big biz screwing the little people with lies, fluffery, spin. Then realized a whole bunch of us are trying to screw them. I may have an odd definition of "rich" and that is I live in doors. I have not missed a meal my entire adult life unless by choice. Would any more toys make me any happier?
Sorry about the rant. It just PMO.
Return to your regularly scheduled thread topic. (if we had one, lol)
Yeah, sorry, Dan. I got off topic with that one. I was just Pee-Ohed after seeing a news story about a guy who slipped and fell on ice and was trying to sue the city because the snow plow had piled snow that he was trying to climb over when he fell. The city contends that there was an open area fifteen feet from where the guy fell...we can only hope for a rational outcome on this one...film at eleven.
Now a word from our sponsor.
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Tom
Now a word from our sponsor.
Have your credit card ready and if you call right now we'll include this set of Santoku steak knives, absolutely free!!!
Tom
Oh man Tom, honest, I meant nothing like that.
Really though, can we sue folks for suing? I really want to try it. We all end up paying for it. Could you imagine what a court room costs to run for an hr/day and or a whole bunch of em?
Really though, can we sue folks for suing? I really want to try it. We all end up paying for it. Could you imagine what a court room costs to run for an hr/day and or a whole bunch of em?
"We have made a donation in your name to "Stop childhood obesity"
We know how you hate fat kids"
We know how you hate fat kids"
That one reminds me of an old bumper sticker, popular before Political Correctness, set in.
"Save the Whales...Harpoon a Fat Chick"
Tom
"Save the Whales...Harpoon a Fat Chick"
Tom
This just came in the e-mail and I think it is represenative of me figureing out how this will work out,(and some of the cylinder/port figures on here sometimes,lol)
*
Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city.
"That's impossible says the doctor. You're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back." But, the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question I'll sign the pass."
He turns to the first lunatic and says "What's three times three?" The lunatic starts counting on his fingers "3, 7, 19, 38?. Is it 128?" The doctor shakes his head and turns to the next lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!"
The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to the last lunatic: What's three times three?" The lunatic thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper.
That provided, she writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine." The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass.
As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly insane. How'd you do it?" The lunatic responds, "Oh, it was easy I divided 128 by Wednesday
*
Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city.
"That's impossible says the doctor. You're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back." But, the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says "OK! If you can answer a simple question I'll sign the pass."
He turns to the first lunatic and says "What's three times three?" The lunatic starts counting on his fingers "3, 7, 19, 38?. Is it 128?" The doctor shakes his head and turns to the next lunatic: "What's three times three?" The lunatic immediately shouts "WEDNESDAY!"
The doctor, beginning to get disgusted turns to the last lunatic: What's three times three?" The lunatic thinks for a moment and then asks for a pencil and a piece of paper.
That provided, she writes for some time furiously, and finally looks up and says "Nine." The doctor is amazed, but true to his word he begins filling out the pass.
As he's writing he says "This is incredible, you've always been thoroughly insane. How'd you do it?" The lunatic responds, "Oh, it was easy I divided 128 by Wednesday