Jokes
- Thread starter Intrepid Wheelwoman
- Start date
maniac57
Old, Fat, and still faster than you
"How do you tell if there is an elephant in your fridge?"
"Tracks in the butter"
"How do you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?"
"Two sets of tracks"
"How do you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?"
"Three sets of tracks, duh."
"How do you fit four elephants in a Volkswagen? "
"Two in front and two in back"
How do you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?"
"Four sets of tracks in the butter, the fridge door won't close, and there's a Volkswagen parked out front"
I'm here all week folks.
"Tracks in the butter"
"How do you tell if there are two elephants in your fridge?"
"Two sets of tracks"
"How do you tell if there are three elephants in your fridge?"
"Three sets of tracks, duh."
"How do you fit four elephants in a Volkswagen? "
"Two in front and two in back"
How do you tell if there are four elephants in your fridge?"
"Four sets of tracks in the butter, the fridge door won't close, and there's a Volkswagen parked out front"
I'm here all week folks.
bluegoatwoods
Active Member
I once heard a story about a lawyer who was down on his luck. Apparently, he wasn't very good.
One day the devil himself walked right into his office and said, "I can make you a successss!!"
"You'll win every case. You'll be able to name your price and you'll get it!"
"You'll have the best cars, the best clothes, the best offices and the best mistresses."
"You'll live til your late nineties! You'll be strong and healthy, body and mind, until the very end.
You'll die peacefully in your sleep. You won't even know it's happening!"
"IN RETURN.....you will forfeit to me....your immortal soul."
"AND...those of your wife.......and your children.......for all eternity...."
"DO YOU ACCEPT??"
The lawyer rubbed his chin and thought about it for a moment, and said,
"What's the catch?"
One day the devil himself walked right into his office and said, "I can make you a successss!!"
"You'll win every case. You'll be able to name your price and you'll get it!"
"You'll have the best cars, the best clothes, the best offices and the best mistresses."
"You'll live til your late nineties! You'll be strong and healthy, body and mind, until the very end.
You'll die peacefully in your sleep. You won't even know it's happening!"
"IN RETURN.....you will forfeit to me....your immortal soul."
"AND...those of your wife.......and your children.......for all eternity...."
"DO YOU ACCEPT??"
The lawyer rubbed his chin and thought about it for a moment, and said,
"What's the catch?"
bairdco
a guy who makes cool bikes
a baby polar bear asks his mom, "mom, am i 100% polar bear?"
momma polar bear looks at him and says, "of course you are!"
baby polar bear says, "but mommy, are you suuuuure i'm 100% polar bear?"
momma polar bear says, "you are. if you don't believe me, ask your father."
so the baby polar bear goes up to his dad and says, "dad? are you sure i'm 100% polar bear?
poppa polar bear says, "yes son, why do you ask?"
and the baby polar bear says, "because i'm ****ing freezing!"
momma polar bear looks at him and says, "of course you are!"
baby polar bear says, "but mommy, are you suuuuure i'm 100% polar bear?"
momma polar bear says, "you are. if you don't believe me, ask your father."
so the baby polar bear goes up to his dad and says, "dad? are you sure i'm 100% polar bear?
poppa polar bear says, "yes son, why do you ask?"
and the baby polar bear says, "because i'm ****ing freezing!"
Intrepid Wheelwoman
New Member
Trey
$50 Cruiser
You can take a whole day to plan your load-out, and your ruck is still too small.
You can't care that it's too small, because it's too heavy.
You can't care that it's too heavy, because what you want isn't in there anyway.
Luckily, what you need is in there, but it's at the bottom.
Well, it's not 'ha ha' funny, but man does it kill when you get five on a knee. Trust me. It really is the best joke I know.
You can't care that it's too small, because it's too heavy.
You can't care that it's too heavy, because what you want isn't in there anyway.
Luckily, what you need is in there, but it's at the bottom.
Well, it's not 'ha ha' funny, but man does it kill when you get five on a knee. Trust me. It really is the best joke I know.
Last edited:
It's good to have a wife with a sense of humor. I love anchovies. I put them in salads, on pizza and eat them right out of the can on crackers. My wife can't stand them. She hates the smell and the way they look.
I had a few leftover from making a ceaser salad last night and she put them in the fridge. This is how she wrapped and labled them.
Oh, and I don't drink Busch beer. It's just for cooking
Tom
I had a few leftover from making a ceaser salad last night and she put them in the fridge. This is how she wrapped and labled them.
Oh, and I don't drink Busch beer. It's just for cooking
Tom
Attachments
Last edited:
Hard to beat a cold Corona, with a lime slice.
Actually it is double wrapped. The little devils are in a plastic container inside a zip-loc baggie. She's taking no chances.
Tom
Trey
$50 Cruiser
She's taking no chances.
That would be one point to Tom's wife for being the sanest person of the week.
Tom is a close second with a 0.
It should be noted that even three layers of protection is not considered over-kill when dealing with hazards of this magnitude.
Anchovies are a gift from the Gods so we can be happy. I was well know at a local pizza place for years as the guy who ordered at least two small anchovies pizzas every week. The first time I had a heck of a time convincing them that was what I wanted.
When I went back the next day to order another one of the cooks saw me walk in and disappeared only to be replaced by the owner who had a look on his face like he was ready to do battle.
When I ordered another one his face turned into disbelief because I'm sure he thought he had a customer who just learned what anchovies were. Right to the end they shook their heads when I ordered one because no one other than me ever had.
Toxic waste? No, that's kippered herring according to my sister in law and nieces. If they are home my brother and I eat them outside.
Steve.
When I went back the next day to order another one of the cooks saw me walk in and disappeared only to be replaced by the owner who had a look on his face like he was ready to do battle.
When I ordered another one his face turned into disbelief because I'm sure he thought he had a customer who just learned what anchovies were. Right to the end they shook their heads when I ordered one because no one other than me ever had.
Toxic waste? No, that's kippered herring according to my sister in law and nieces. If they are home my brother and I eat them outside.
Steve.
Steve,
You're probably one who likes to 'chew' raw oysters too. I've never understood those who just slurp and swallow them. A dash of hot sauce, horseradish, a squirt of lime juice and chew those puppies. Enjoy the flavor and the consistancy. Don't just swallow them! You're missing the good stuff.
Tom
You're probably one who likes to 'chew' raw oysters too. I've never understood those who just slurp and swallow them. A dash of hot sauce, horseradish, a squirt of lime juice and chew those puppies. Enjoy the flavor and the consistancy. Don't just swallow them! You're missing the good stuff.
Tom
Tom,
A raw oyster only passed my lips once and that was do to a night of drinking and a dare. It took quite a while to apologize to every person that was caught in the aftermath.
I did however open a few hundred barrels of them when I was cooking and that was as close as I ever got to another one.
Steve.
A raw oyster only passed my lips once and that was do to a night of drinking and a dare. It took quite a while to apologize to every person that was caught in the aftermath.
I did however open a few hundred barrels of them when I was cooking and that was as close as I ever got to another one.
Steve.
Trey
$50 Cruiser
Out of curiosity, could you tell me how to build one of these? The whole nine, crust, sauce, cheese, other toppings.
A gift from the Gods... geez, I may have to check it out. Ate camel once- it can't be any worse than that.