candidacy for president

There we have it, stationary. The culture is so debased that propaganda is rejected, and all the people want now is fake ganda.

It is up to us to stand in front of Dan and get behind him with our shoulders to the wheel of fate and ensure it never turns. Let us all build barriers, walls, redoubts and take our clothes off! We'll show them!
 
HEADLINE NEWS:

CANDIDATE DISAPPEARS.

Presidential contender, Dan, was tragically lost in advance of the Frankenstorm, together with $£manymany of sponsors funds. Disastrously, this coincides with the collapse of several suppliers and the closure of at least one bank. Relatives are shocked and baffled. More news as it hapens.

Stop Press!

A further development! Tall, blonde, tanned, toned, Icelandic beauty, Dallas Debbisdottir, disappears simultaneously while working as personal masseur to Dan. Our thoughts go out to their relatives and we pray fervently for them to have a Happy Ending.
 
NEWS FLASH

Dallas Debbisdotir threw the chain on her HT ragjoint and had to resort to un-powered transport.

It is reported that Dan is still hopeful for her arrival...
 

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I say this, I have not disappeared! Rather, I am bravely hiding under a porch in Canada forming a....

OK, just hiding but still with great diligence and concern for my future constituency ......


.....and propose that all skateboarding masseuses be issued kneepads as it is a safety issue
 
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Aha!

and a magnanymous presdigitation from our candidate at large safely in the Land of the Bluenose makes electrifying headlines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantabulous!

furrin candydates have done well, in recent times
1 is a terminator
another terminated...
then there was a gal from the cold frozen northwest who quit to run with an old man, but she didn't get lucky...
Did I hear something abt a witch in a snowstorm?

Well, I'm glad to be advised of safety in the Canuck bunker because things just don't appear safe at the Dan For President headquarters office/workshop, which has been most recently constructed in the path of a tornoolie hurrycame.

Even the local denizens r afeared and climbing for cover...
probably NOT a gud thing 4 our candydate!
 

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Dirt Road Cowboy said:
Make sure she wears them while skateboarding too!

.
Click to expand...

Har, snork Cowboy. Spit beer on that one.

rustycase said:
Aha!

and a magnanymous presdigitation from our candidate at large safely in the Land of the Bluenose makes electrifying headlines!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fantabulous!

furrin candydates have done well, in recent times
1 is a terminator
another terminated...
then there was a gal from the cold frozen northwest who quit to run with an old man, but she didn't get lucky...
Did I hear something abt a witch in a snowstorm?

Well, I'm glad to be advised of safety in the Canuck bunker because things just don't appear safe at the Dan For President headquarters office/workshop, which has been most recently constructed in the path of a tornoolie hurrycame.

Even the local denizens r afeared and climbing for cover...
probably NOT a gud thing 4 our candydate!
Click to expand...


LOL Rusty. Ain't that some *stuff*? The year I build a shop, we have had tornados, an earthquake and now the perfect storm/hurricane!

I mean seriously!? In Connecticut?

The really great part, I forgot to call and put it on the insurance Friday. Just 2dang funny. I am having visions of going out Monday morning and finding it on it's side....


Vote and vote often. Now I really need the money, snork.
 
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All this diverts attention away from the real issues, of which I can only say these few words. These few words. Having said that, I wish you to consider this, these and those as well; do not permit retroactive obfuscation of the circumstances by introducing thus.

Thus is a red herring, we will not tolerate red herrings until the dyestuffs have passed all relevant tests. Once this, that, those or these are attended to we will, in the fullness of time, notwithstanding our implicit and explicit obligations, reconvene the procedures.

I hope I have made myself clear.
 
Forward, yrs back I broke all my front teeth and now I put the new plastic ones in a glass at night.

Instant Message from wife in the house; "Wut ya doing out in the garage?"

Me; "Hiding from the tric-or-treaters drinking beer, and making fun of people for making fun of me for making fun of this, seems I am running for president again.
Bring me candy" (She eventually brought me 3 hotdogs)


IM back to me, from Carol;

"Hail to the teeth"

laff
 
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Hot dogs instead of candy??? Guess your Mr. President everywhere but at home.

That figures.

Steve.
 
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As I speak, crowds are milling around, impatient for the closing words of Dan's campaign, but the mercurial contender seems to be awaiting his moment. Pundits are divided on this tactic; some feel speaking now would be stupid whilst others feel that waiting to speak would be stupid. All are in agreement, however, that when he does speak, it will be stupid.

More news when it is news! But first, this - http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/upload/282530576593717314_4mrnUIaA_b.jpg
 
Speaking as Dan's financial advisor, I regret to inform you that following his hairsbreadth defeat in the US Presidential Erection, we have no funds to return to our generous donors.

The campaign headquarters in Antigua and Latin American office in Rio will be retained for future campaigns. Caretaker staff are at both establishments ensuring permanent readiness for Dan to arrive at any time to conduct his important business and prepare for 4 years time.

Fellatia Von Schtrippklubb continues as his personal bodyguard, with Ms Fifi Le Bouboubou deputising or assisting as required.
 
Wait, wut? What happened? "O" some body!? Honestly, no one could let me know another Irish guy was running?

I will be under this porch until 2016 or until the statute of limitations runs out. Which ever comes first. (as long as it is the statute of limitations)


Goat Herder said:
How is Stewie doing these Days Dan? :)
images-funny-cats-pictures-1.jpg
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My head speech writer.....
 
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There was a WHOLE BUNCH of people who somehow, managed to stumble from the tavern to the polls, and vote for a candidate with the least qualifications.
Personally, I consider it to be an embarrassment.
...CEO of the biggest corporation on the planet, and commander in chief of our armed forces... that's the best they could do?
I am stunned.
Good luck to us!
rc
 
We just blew our chance for the expansion and drilling of 2 stroke oil. You just couldn't get out the vote Dan, good try though, you would have been far better than....well, you know.
 
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