Snork
- Thread starter Dan
- Start date
Ludwig, just asking here but how would someone come to have an unsolicited drink?
Not having ever met a drink I didn't enjoy or solicit, is kinda a foreign concept for me.
I like this 203 page topic with just a bunch of old men entertaining themselves without TV or live strippers ;-}
To me the 50+ barrier of body influence over mind kinda sucks and reminds me of an old joke I will modify a bit to conform to G-rated forum content.
Joe was a star college football running back and when he goes to sleep his body parts start taking to one another about how hard they have it for this young athlete...
The typical complainers like mussels, shoulders, arms and knees speak up first but one day the usually quiet feet spoke up...
We have it worse than ALL of you!
We get crammed into stinky shoes, walked on, stubbed and stepped on all day!
At that point the one eyed snake woke up and countered...
Try doing push-ups in a stinky wet cave until you puke 4 or 5 times a day!
If that don't make you snork like I just did reading my rendition of the joke you need more alcohol ;-}
To me the 50+ barrier of body influence over mind kinda sucks and reminds me of an old joke I will modify a bit to conform to G-rated forum content.
Joe was a star college football running back and when he goes to sleep his body parts start taking to one another about how hard they have it for this young athlete...
The typical complainers like mussels, shoulders, arms and knees speak up first but one day the usually quiet feet spoke up...
We have it worse than ALL of you!
We get crammed into stinky shoes, walked on, stubbed and stepped on all day!
At that point the one eyed snake woke up and countered...
Try doing push-ups in a stinky wet cave until you puke 4 or 5 times a day!
If that don't make you snork like I just did reading my rendition of the joke you need more alcohol ;-}
Just found this pic. The tug is the Easter Moran in New York harbor. I forget the name of the barge but she was brand new and cost $13 million. She was a remote controlled, human waste, dumper barge. (Nope, ya just can't make stuff like that up)
I was told that back when the Tug's stove was coal fueled (was deisel when I worked her) That a deck hand came back from the bar and thought it was funny to defecate in the cook's shoes. The cook warmed his shoes under the stove so they were toasty warm in the morning.
When the crew was relived and leaving the ship, the deck hand asked the cook, "Ever figure out who **** in your shoes?" The cook replied "Nope. But I know who ate it"
When I sailed the Easter Moran, she was employed taking NYC sewage to the "106 dump" and, oddly enough, dumping it. So named because it was 106 miles off shore in the atlantic. Laugh all you want but was kinda a dream job. Took a day to load the barge at the dock, (read bar time as dock workers loaded her) and 2 days to unload. So we basically sailed around in circles and collected NYC union wages. Drinking beer and staring out the window.
but then! (lol, ya knew there had to be a but? or as Pee-Wee herman said, "everyone I know has a big but...)
Coming back into NY Harbor one morning at O dark thirty, the Good Capt. Mott says to me "Did you feel that?" I didn't but I were drinking.
2 massive wires (properly called "wire rope" and there are in fact many ropes on a boat)
met and joined a giant iron ring that then joins the hawser that tows the barge . It was so big it took two stout men to lift.
The "Bull Nose" failed and snapped. The brand new, $13 million dollar **** barge was now headed South as we were headed west. This is widely regarded to be a bad thing.
............................
I was told that back when the Tug's stove was coal fueled (was deisel when I worked her) That a deck hand came back from the bar and thought it was funny to defecate in the cook's shoes. The cook warmed his shoes under the stove so they were toasty warm in the morning.
When the crew was relived and leaving the ship, the deck hand asked the cook, "Ever figure out who **** in your shoes?" The cook replied "Nope. But I know who ate it"
When I sailed the Easter Moran, she was employed taking NYC sewage to the "106 dump" and, oddly enough, dumping it. So named because it was 106 miles off shore in the atlantic. Laugh all you want but was kinda a dream job. Took a day to load the barge at the dock, (read bar time as dock workers loaded her) and 2 days to unload. So we basically sailed around in circles and collected NYC union wages. Drinking beer and staring out the window.
but then! (lol, ya knew there had to be a but? or as Pee-Wee herman said, "everyone I know has a big but...)
Coming back into NY Harbor one morning at O dark thirty, the Good Capt. Mott says to me "Did you feel that?" I didn't but I were drinking.
2 massive wires (properly called "wire rope" and there are in fact many ropes on a boat)
met and joined a giant iron ring that then joins the hawser that tows the barge . It was so big it took two stout men to lift.
The "Bull Nose" failed and snapped. The brand new, $13 million dollar **** barge was now headed South as we were headed west. This is widely regarded to be a bad thing.
............................
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....So we chase this empty, brand new, 13 million dollar **** barge for 4 days. It is Febuary in the North Atlantic. 10 to 20 foot seas and the barge is headed for Cuba.
The barge being empty, is riding high in the water and catching the wind. Un powered, unmanned and doing 12 knots and bound for Cuba! (lol)
The barge is 10 times the size of the tug. So while the barge is sailing along prestienly, the tug is doing the hoky-poky and rising and falling 10 to 20 feet.
So naturally, we ram it and I climb up the "Pigeon holes" (sort of a recessed ladder built into the side of the barge)
There is an emergency hawser so this is almost a done deal. The hatch is frozen so I use a deck winch to peal it open. Was kinda fun. It was about the size of a small garage and I got to rip it apart.
I tie a messenger line to the end of the hawser and throw it to the guy on deck, on the tug. Done deal.
LOL, nope. They faked out the emergency hawser upside down. It became a knot about the size of a step van.
So after 5 hrs of truly hard labor, I untie the biggest knot known to man and bend (tie) it to a messenger line and toss the "monkey's fist" to the guy on deck, on the tug.
But,, (lol, I know) I, as a professional Mariner, tied it poorly and as the tug pulled away in the falling darkness, the lines came apart and fell uselessly in the water. I could barely see the lights of the tug but could hear, over the sound of the engine and waves, The good Capt. Mott cursing me, my mother and any one who has ever known me. snork. ..........
The barge being empty, is riding high in the water and catching the wind. Un powered, unmanned and doing 12 knots and bound for Cuba! (lol)
The barge is 10 times the size of the tug. So while the barge is sailing along prestienly, the tug is doing the hoky-poky and rising and falling 10 to 20 feet.
So naturally, we ram it and I climb up the "Pigeon holes" (sort of a recessed ladder built into the side of the barge)
There is an emergency hawser so this is almost a done deal. The hatch is frozen so I use a deck winch to peal it open. Was kinda fun. It was about the size of a small garage and I got to rip it apart.
I tie a messenger line to the end of the hawser and throw it to the guy on deck, on the tug. Done deal.
LOL, nope. They faked out the emergency hawser upside down. It became a knot about the size of a step van.
So after 5 hrs of truly hard labor, I untie the biggest knot known to man and bend (tie) it to a messenger line and toss the "monkey's fist" to the guy on deck, on the tug.
But,, (lol, I know) I, as a professional Mariner, tied it poorly and as the tug pulled away in the falling darkness, the lines came apart and fell uselessly in the water. I could barely see the lights of the tug but could hear, over the sound of the engine and waves, The good Capt. Mott cursing me, my mother and any one who has ever known me. snork. ..........
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By early morning we have the barge made fast and are headed back to New York. We are off the cost of North Carolina, just south of Cape Fear. (really, really aptly named at this point, snork)
It will take 4 days to get back to home port. I have been given some water and canned Vienna sausages. There is no bedding or toilets on the barge. 4 days!
We get back to the dock. Knowing we were all to be fired, I already had the **** you guys attitude and couldn't wait to get to a warm hotel, a hot woman and a cold beer.
The owner's great grandson was on the dock waiting for us. He hands me a bonus check for $1,000 and a letter glorifying my "heroic deeds" for saving his brand new, 13 million dollar **** barge.
Some men are born to ****. Others have **** thrust upon them......
https://www.google.com/search?q=est...tinformation.com%2Ftug.cfm%3Fid%3D746;626;600
It will take 4 days to get back to home port. I have been given some water and canned Vienna sausages. There is no bedding or toilets on the barge. 4 days!
We get back to the dock. Knowing we were all to be fired, I already had the **** you guys attitude and couldn't wait to get to a warm hotel, a hot woman and a cold beer.
The owner's great grandson was on the dock waiting for us. He hands me a bonus check for $1,000 and a letter glorifying my "heroic deeds" for saving his brand new, 13 million dollar **** barge.
Some men are born to ****. Others have **** thrust upon them......
https://www.google.com/search?q=est...tinformation.com%2Ftug.cfm%3Fid%3D746;626;600
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But did you get scared Dan? I mean **** your pants scared?
Sounds like one of those 'really scared' moments to me.
Mine was when the drive shaft on a 2.5T dump truck with 3.5T of cargo and pulling a 3 ton hot tar kettle down a steep grade broke.
The brakes helped for maybe a minute or two, just long enough for me to run it up against the sheered off mountainside and get the damn thing to stop.
I
t wasn't a pretty sight but driveable after a new drive shaft, brake pads, and right side mirror.
I hand nightmares for a couple of months but heck I was only 17 at the time.
That's what I call a SYPM, a **** Your Pants Moment, may we all have as few as possible ;-}
I missed this. LOL.
(lil Thwacks, Dang Thwackers wanna make a thwacking joke but that would be wrong)
Should be put in the snork thread but already is.
Was silently belly laughing so hard the dawg jumped off the bed and left the room but turned to give me a dirty look and the stink eye. (really, really funny)
Ya just ain't properly insulated until a 70 lbs Aussie Shepard walks away in disgust and turns to give you a dirty look with optional "stink-eye"
Is dawg version of flipping me off and giving me the bird.
LOL, KC. No, was more a day in the life sort of thing. Kinda hard to explain but this sort of thing was just another day.
Ya got paid for 84 hrs a week but worked more. (for the OT) So you were so tired all the time, ya just were kinda brain dead and void of emotions. Not at all kidding.
Fought a fire on a crane barge not long after this event and someone pulled me out of the flames. I was just standing there with an empty extinguisher in my hands. Sound asleep, standing up and thinking I was spraying the flames, I was standing in.
Sounds like I am complaining but was a whole lota fun and made a ton of cash. For a young person, was a good thing. Honestly the worst part was you had 4 months off a year. A young man with nothing but time on his hands and a pocket full of money is gonna find some way to mess up, meet the criminal justice system or do some serious self injurious damage, LOL
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(have some stuff going on and want to get some things, stories written while I can)
As a teenager, I hitchhiked around the country (America) so as to avoid education and my family. Both seemed like work. I slept in parks and truck stops and worked and did day labor.
One winter I hitched from Fla. back to CT. to be home for Christmas. Living hand to mouth, I had to look for work when I got back home. There was an add in the paper for deckhands on a cruise ship. Yehaa!
A buddy drives me to the interview and I get the job! http://www.americancruiselines.com/small-riverboat-cruise-ships (Many years later, I work for this company again and meet Carol. She was a passenger and I was standing gangway watch. Due to the tides in Maine, the gangway was just out side her cabin door on the 03 deck. For our 25th anniversary, I took her back to the town and port where we had our first date. BoothBay)........
As a teenager, I hitchhiked around the country (America) so as to avoid education and my family. Both seemed like work. I slept in parks and truck stops and worked and did day labor.
One winter I hitched from Fla. back to CT. to be home for Christmas. Living hand to mouth, I had to look for work when I got back home. There was an add in the paper for deckhands on a cruise ship. Yehaa!
A buddy drives me to the interview and I get the job! http://www.americancruiselines.com/small-riverboat-cruise-ships (Many years later, I work for this company again and meet Carol. She was a passenger and I was standing gangway watch. Due to the tides in Maine, the gangway was just out side her cabin door on the 03 deck. For our 25th anniversary, I took her back to the town and port where we had our first date. BoothBay)........
Dan,
When I was restoring antique furniture one of my best customers was in Boothbay. A great town.
Steve.
When I was restoring antique furniture one of my best customers was in Boothbay. A great town.
Steve.
I land at New Orleans airport and join my very first ship! (Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport)
Man! this is cool! 3 hots and a cot and it ain't jail. Hehe, but close. Hard physical labor and lived in a small steel room. But over half the crew was college aged female type folks. Away from home for the first time and amazingly unconcerned about reputation staining....
Absolute worst and biggest mistake of my life was about to occur. I was asked if I wanted to work on deck or work in the engine room. On deck, on the lower mississippi were the aforementioned female shipmates, the passengers and some amazing views.
Below in the engine room were giant diesel engines and generators, fumes and defining noise. I choose to work on deck. The guys who went below could quit sailing for a living and go to work in power plants and make huge sums of money. While I was considered great at my craft, stering large ships and tying knots is not a real marketable skill set. Snork
Man! this is cool! 3 hots and a cot and it ain't jail. Hehe, but close. Hard physical labor and lived in a small steel room. But over half the crew was college aged female type folks. Away from home for the first time and amazingly unconcerned about reputation staining....
Absolute worst and biggest mistake of my life was about to occur. I was asked if I wanted to work on deck or work in the engine room. On deck, on the lower mississippi were the aforementioned female shipmates, the passengers and some amazing views.
Below in the engine room were giant diesel engines and generators, fumes and defining noise. I choose to work on deck. The guys who went below could quit sailing for a living and go to work in power plants and make huge sums of money. While I was considered great at my craft, stering large ships and tying knots is not a real marketable skill set. Snork
Gonna change the names so as to not embarrass or invite civil litigation.
The Good Capt. Litmark was not a particularly good ship handler. It was a running joke that we sailed up and down the Mississippi, leaving "litmarks" on every dock we met
I loved this guy. He was just a good and brilliant man who was nothing but kind, smart and good. I worked on ships for many years after and always surprised me that the higher the IQ, the more scrapes would be made on the rubrail, fenders or dock.
We had 2 deck hands named Larry. One was "stupid Larry" and the other was "smart Larry" LOL, Stupid Larry jumped ship when we got to Memphis. So he could see Graceland.
"Smart larry" often had trouble getting the right shoe on the right foot. Was not a real high bar.....
The woman who hired the female staff on the ships only hired woman who could be considered less attractive. Great folks but one was bald. Another was known as "Mary had a little beard" Or Mary the bearded lady"
But the woman in the office who hired the woman who worked on the ships was out sick one day. So some guy hired this smoking hot, and I mean smoking hot woman.
She walks on the boat and the whole dang crew is just slack jawed.
My beloved Capt. falls in lust with her, as does all the men and half the woman. (Well, one guy was chasing elderly female passengers and another a hysterical drag queen)
but the good Capt. gently, very kindly warns me off this woman. I diligently act as a, the good subordinate, and never address her in any way intimate.
Weeks later the whole dang crew comes down with a parasitic infestation. (crotch crawlers, ity bity, in yer pants critters)
Except me!
The Good Capt. Litmark was not a particularly good ship handler. It was a running joke that we sailed up and down the Mississippi, leaving "litmarks" on every dock we met
I loved this guy. He was just a good and brilliant man who was nothing but kind, smart and good. I worked on ships for many years after and always surprised me that the higher the IQ, the more scrapes would be made on the rubrail, fenders or dock.
We had 2 deck hands named Larry. One was "stupid Larry" and the other was "smart Larry" LOL, Stupid Larry jumped ship when we got to Memphis. So he could see Graceland.
"Smart larry" often had trouble getting the right shoe on the right foot. Was not a real high bar.....
The woman who hired the female staff on the ships only hired woman who could be considered less attractive. Great folks but one was bald. Another was known as "Mary had a little beard" Or Mary the bearded lady"
But the woman in the office who hired the woman who worked on the ships was out sick one day. So some guy hired this smoking hot, and I mean smoking hot woman.
She walks on the boat and the whole dang crew is just slack jawed.
My beloved Capt. falls in lust with her, as does all the men and half the woman. (Well, one guy was chasing elderly female passengers and another a hysterical drag queen)
but the good Capt. gently, very kindly warns me off this woman. I diligently act as a, the good subordinate, and never address her in any way intimate.
Weeks later the whole dang crew comes down with a parasitic infestation. (crotch crawlers, ity bity, in yer pants critters)
Except me!
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Har!!! 2 funny. I dated "Mary the bearded lady" (wut? it's lonely out at sea and on lakes bays and sounds)
She was blond but had 3 dark chin hairs. Sadly I may have given her that nicname.
But after the company folded, the whole crew met up in New Jersey for a reunion. Mary and I sorta get back together and promptly breakup. She dumped me so I left her a note;
"Mary,
Things were said and stuff happens.
I just want you to know if you ever, ever need anything. Anything at all. All's you have to do is call my brother. 'cause he hates you too...."
LOL! best break up ever!
She was blond but had 3 dark chin hairs. Sadly I may have given her that nicname.
But after the company folded, the whole crew met up in New Jersey for a reunion. Mary and I sorta get back together and promptly breakup. She dumped me so I left her a note;
"Mary,
Things were said and stuff happens.
I just want you to know if you ever, ever need anything. Anything at all. All's you have to do is call my brother. 'cause he hates you too...."
LOL! best break up ever!