Snork

[corgi1]

The Bridge
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help man kind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I
wish that I , and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

God replied: "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 

[Allen_Wrench]

One of the (blind?) clerks in the City-County Building where I work had seen me hobble by on my crutches regularly enough that it must not seem alarming anymore.
He's used to making small talk in the morning and (forgetting himself) asked me if I rode the bike today. Just the thing you'd ask of a guy on crutches, right?
It was such a dumb question, I started laughing like a nutcase. The other people in the elevator must've thought I'd lost my marbles.

 

[Dan]

One of the (blind?) clerks in the City-County Building where I work had seen me hobble by on my crutches regularly enough that it must not seem alarming anymore.
He's used to making small talk in the morning and (forgetting himself) asked me if I rode the bike today. Just the thing you'd ask of a guy on crutches, right?
It was such a dumb question, I started laughing like a nutcase. The other people in the elevator must've thought I'd lost my marbles.

Nope, skateboard. Heres yer sign

 

[Allen_Wrench]

Nope, skateboard. Heres yer sign

Hey...ya know, if I could put a seat on it I could use the crutches to push with, lean to steer - that's easy. Hmmm...nah! What am I thinking, I'd go crashing into something and they'd send me back to that hospital with the horrible food.

 

[Dan]

Quote:
Me, "Are those just simple collars?"
Felton, "No they are complex!!!"

 

[tire]

1. fruitation

When an idea ripens like fruit. It's what stupid people use for the word fruition.

HAHAHHAHA i know no one here so i don't know the inside jokes, but this one made me crack up...

 

[T04D]

HAHAHHAHA i know no one here so i don't know the inside jokes, but this one made me crack up...

That was an inside joke?

 

[Allen_Wrench]

I learned at work that one of our probationers had been picked up again. Apparently he'd originally been pulled over for having a taillight out. The officer asked to see license, registration, proof of insurance, etc. The man fessed up: he had no license, didn't know where the registration was, and was not insured. (He'd been suspended for life as an habitual traffic violator.) But he told the officer that he should not be held at fault because the vehicle was NOT HIS CAR! And that he maintains cars better if he owns them.

Don't anybody use an excuse like this, it didn't work for this guy. Based on information from the plate, it was noted that the true owner would be contacted (mostly to see if he even knew this yahoo). And now we have to wait to see what the judge wants to do with the probation case. Sheesh.

 

[Dan]

HAHAHHAHA i know no one here so i don't know the inside jokes, but this one made me crack up...

Howdy Tire. I was wondering about that. A lot of posts on this thread are out of context.

Great pic in your avatar.

 

[Goat Herder]

Not here and could have used a hand this weekend! Think the post office was closed today to celebrate a man who didn't know where he was going. When he was here, didn't know where he was and when he got back, didn't know where he had been. Happy Columbus day!

Not a postal joke, not a postal joke! Put the weapon down!

This was another good one...

 

[Dan]

I forgot where the thread is GH, but we gotta do that "Real Men of Genius" sarcastic Bud light commercial thing. "Mr take apart your weed-whacker and bolt it to a bicycle"
"For the man who has every thing. Every thing except a passenger seat"

Bud Light Salutes Real Men of Genius Check out "Mr. Moped Super-upper"

Found the agency that produces them. DDB

 

[Goat Herder]

I forgot where the thread is GH, but we gotta do that "Real Men of Genius" sarcastic Bud light commercial thing. "Mr take apart your weed-whacker and bolt it to a bicycle"
"For the man who has every thing. Every thing except a passenger seat"

Bud Light Salutes Real Men of Genius Check out "Mr. Moped Super-upper"

Found the agency that produces them. DDB

We got a lot of good material on this forum lol.

here's the specs;

tubing material: salvaged lawnchairs.

dimensions: varies depends on breakage. as the lawnchair tubes crack, the frame sags, giving it a lower stance.

wheel construction: rim material are old hotwheels tracks, superglued and painted with 99cent store chrome spraypaint. hubs are a beercan and salt shaker composite, and spokes are thrift store wire coat hangers.

Front Fender Construction: Unknown, due to them falling off before tests can be completed.

the successful build rate is 3:1000. (give or take. i think Dave31, Houghmade, and Bikeguy Joe have managed to keep them running for longer than 6 months.)

the TTF (Time To Failure) rate is an average of 20 minutes, or 20', whichever comes first.

the rear wheel failure percentage is 100%.

and finally, the chinese workers at the Huffy plant's motto is "American's will buy anything."

which engine is good for crusier bike like a schwinn or a walmart bike.

Baidco has some real talent. These had me rolling lol From the Morini section.

i think a nice semi-truck engine would be good for one of those. just lay the walmart bike in the street and let a Peterbuilt run it over.

 

[bairdco]

i don't even remember typing that last one. i musta been drunk.

 

[Dan]

Line from movie;

"Forget your PHD. I got a GED, Monticomb."


"Montie Comb" would be a good name for Fuzzy Dice's (P.I.) arch enemy and nemesis.

 

[Dan]

"Bud Light presents, Real Men of genius. Motor-bike style. (Chorus;real men of genius)
Today we salute you, Mr. weed-whacker, motor-bike builder.
(Mr. weed-whacker, motor-bike builder)
Any one can buy a cheap imported scooter. But only you take a yard tool, a bicycle and a socket set to new heights.
(we owe China lots of money)
For the man who has every thing. Every thing except a passenger seat"
(his friends have cars)
All with out a helmet.
((Femail chorus))Gonna scramble your eggs)
So crack open a Bud light Mr. Mystro of the weed-whacker powered motor-bike. We'd sing your praises. But you don't have a muffler and can't hear us.
(Mr Weed-Whacker, Motor-bike Builder)

Anheuser-Bush, Saint Louis Mo"

 

[Dan]

Bull Durham
written by Ron Shelton

Annie: What do you believe in then?
Crash: Well, I believe in the soul. The small of a woman's back. The hanging curveball. High fiber. Good scotch. That the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a Constitution Amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days...Goodnight. [He exits]
Annie (with a voice that could melt butter): Oh my.

 

[Dan]

"Go forth and multiply. Or at least get some good practice time in. This time, get a partner"


Wut? Math is hard

 

[2door]

"There's no crying in baseball" and..."Avoid the clap"
Tom Hanks, 'League of Their Own'

Tom

 

[Dan]

Happy Valentine's day. Although VD is nothing to clap about. Just a thought.

 

[Dan]

Winter?? In Florida ??
I don't ride my bike that day

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