Xpostech, I must come clean. (long post)
As you’ve probably figured out by now, the brake lever isnt for removing snow. You have uncovered a dark and evil past. A past of shame and denial which now I feel compelled to reveal to you from a deep sense of guilt, and hope, for redemption.
To this point, I have lived a lie. The story I have used so far is that when I was a teenager, I was a weight weenie and not knowing better, drilled the holes in that brake lever to save weight. Eventually, I got a job, and could afford good bike parts. The lever went into a box of junk, and patiently waited for 20 years, whereupon discovering the chinese throttle was a piece of crap, I reached into the box, producing this long lost gem. Immediately, the lever quickly and loyally worked as it always had. Not only had I saved a buck or two, I had actually “reused” something from that inevitable pile of junk all rednecks accumulate over time with the eternal hope that “hey, someday I’ll need this.”
That was my story...Until you came along.
The truth is much more sinister. The holes weren’t to save weight, or even to remove snow. Both original levers were drilled to promote time travel. After months of deliberation, I drilled and mounted the levers on my bike. As I approached the requisite 88 miles per hour necessary for time travel, I encountered a strong buffetting caused by a pressure wave behind my trailing edge control surfaces, spiralling the bike into a death spin.
The left lever shattered, and I was unhurt, however, a neighbor’s dog suddenly burst into flames.
Not wanting the pet owners to discover their loss, I scurried up a local hillside with the burnt carcass and buried it in the ground. When my shovel hit the dirt, sparks flew, but eventually I dug a small pit, enough to drop the dog in and cover with leaves.
The very next day, exhausted, I awoke to police sirens from the neighbors yard. Evidently the dog had risen from the dead and had come back and eaten his owners. Whoops. A man across the street who knew of the burial ground glared at me.
“It’s your dog now Ron”. He knew what I had done. Later that day, I had the dog kill him too.
Fido and I have done okay, but he’s really smelly now and has pretty much fallen apart. From what I can surmise, it was the combination of sympathetic oscillations of resonant frequency waves from the TWO drilled brake levers that caused the control loss. To this day, I will not ride with both levers simultaneously, nor will I exceed 88 mph. If I really was still a weight weenie, I probably would have drilled all four levers, but that might start a time travell paradox. Very dangerous stuff.
And to think I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you pesky kids!!!!!! Muawwhaaahaaaaahaaaahaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
