Post a Joke

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Wevil Kenevil

Well-Known Member
Mar 4, 2022
395
371
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48
Sack a tomatoes California
The IRS got a hold of a man who was a gambler and told him to bring his lawyer into the IRS office for an audit.

The man brings his lawyer down to the IRS agent's office and meets up with the IRS agent.

Yes sir the IRS agent says to The Gambler we show extensive deposits in your bank account and you don't have a job would you care to explain this?

The Gambler explains to the IRS agent that he's a gambling Man and makes most of his money through wagers.

The gambling man then says to the IRS agent I know that I owe you a bunch of money but I'll tell you what I'll bet you half of the money on my bill that I can bite my own elbow.

The IRS agent tries to bite his own elbow seeing that it's impossible says okay it's a bet so the gambling man takes his false teeth out and bites his elbow and puts his teeth back in.

This makes the IRS agent mad. The gambling man says hold on now I'll tell you what if you take another third off my bill I'll bet you that I can lick my own eyeball.

The IRS agent tries to lick his own eyeball and seeing that it's impossible says okay it's a bet so the guy pops out his eyeball licks it and puts it back in.

The IRS agent is furious at this point and the gambling man says hold on now I got one more bet for double or nothing I'll bet you I can pee in this thimble from across the room 20 ft and not get one drop of pee anywhere but in that thimble.

The IRS agent laughs, knowing that this is impossible says it's a bet. So the gambling man stands up on the IRS agents desk and pees all over his files all over the IRS agent all over everything in the office...

The IRS agent starts to laugh and says I got you now you owe me!

The IRS agent then looks at the guy's lawyer and the lawyer is shaking his head. The IRS agent asks him "what's wrong?"

And the guy's lawyer says before we got here he bet me a million dollars that he could pee all over your office and you'd be happy about it.
 
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wrench

Well-Known Member
Aug 20, 2019
782
1,098
93
So Cal
Boy says to his Mom

Boy - Mom why were you jumping on Daddy's stomach last night?

Mom - Because jumping on Daddy's stomach keeps him from getting fat

Boy - That's not gonna work, Tina the baby sitter keeps blowing Daddy back up
 

wrench

Well-Known Member
Aug 20, 2019
782
1,098
93
So Cal
Guy goes to see the Doctor

Doc - What seems to be the problem

Guy - My azz hurts

Doc - Where does your azz hurt

Guy - At the entrance

Doc - Your azz is always gonna hurt if you keep saying it has an entrance
 

Wevil Kenevil

Well-Known Member
Mar 4, 2022
395
371
63
48
Sack a tomatoes California
This started out as a joke but turned dark rather quickly...

Me and my homeboys were down at the river and we were drinking a few beers and we decided to have a little barbecue, well a friend of mine brought a chicken and we barbecued it and we ate most of the meat off of it but half of it was under cooked....

Well, someone had come down and brought their dog and forgot their leash and left it on the beach so what my friend did is he took the leash and he hooked it through the carcass of the chicken and put it on the trailer hitch on the back of somebody's car.

WELLLLLL... some concerned citizen saw it and called the cops and all **** broke loose. Eventually we went over and explained that it was a joke and received a huge lecture on the cruelty of animals and our lack of good taste in humor. But when it was all said and done everybody had a good laugh except for the chicken.

Buhgawk!
 
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wrench

Well-Known Member
Aug 20, 2019
782
1,098
93
So Cal
I had a woman tie her little dog to the bumper of my SUV in Home Depot Parking lot
I didn't know a little dog was tied to my SUV so I just drove away

As I made the first turn and started to get up speed I heard this yelp yelp sound but I didn't know what to make of it Then I saw a woman waving her arms screaming and running after me
I stopped my car
The dumb azz woman had tied her little dog to my bumper while she was taking with her friends
She accused me of trying to steal her dog and said she was calling the Cops.
I said go ahead call the cops I didn't know you tied your dog to my bumper,

The cops arrived and the woman accused me of trying to steal her dog and also wanted me to pay vet bills
The Cops asked me what happened I said " I had no idea a dog was tied to the bumper of my car
I stopped as soon as I saw her chasing after me

Cops said I could go and have a nice day

BTW the dog seemed OK but I'm sure he lost his footing and got dragged a bit
 
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Tony01

Well-Known Member
Nov 28, 2012
1,786
1,842
113
sf bay area
I had a woman tie her little dog to the bumper of my SUV in Home Depot Parking lot
I didn't know a little dog was tied to my SUV so I just drove away

As I made the first turn and started to get up speed I heard this yelp yelp sound but I didn't know what to make of it Then I saw a woman waving her arms screaming and running after me
I stopped my car
The dumb azz woman had tied her little dog to my bumper while she was taking with her friends
She accused me of trying to steal her dog and said she was calling the Cops.
I said go ahead call the cops I didn't know you tied your dog to my bumper,

The cops arrived and the woman accused me of trying to steal her dog and also wanted me to pay vet bills
The Cops asked me what happened I said " I had no idea a dog was tied to the bumper of my car
I stopped as soon as I saw her chasing after me

Cops said I could go and have a nice day

BTW the dog seemed OK but I'm sure he lost his footing and got dragged a bit
You guys believe me now that California people are f’d in the head

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Wevil Kenevil

Well-Known Member
Mar 4, 2022
395
371
63
48
Sack a tomatoes California
I had a woman tie her little dog to the bumper of my SUV in Home Depot Parking lot
I didn't know a little dog was tied to my SUV so I just drove away

As I made the first turn and started to get up speed I heard this yelp yelp sound but I didn't know what to make of it Then I saw a woman waving her arms screaming and running after me
I stopped my car
The dumb azz woman had tied her little dog to my bumper while she was taking with her friends
She accused me of trying to steal her dog and said she was calling the Cops.
I said go ahead call the cops I didn't know you tied your dog to my bumper,

The cops arrived and the woman accused me of trying to steal her dog and also wanted me to pay vet bills
The Cops asked me what happened I said " I had no idea a dog was tied to the bumper of my car
I stopped as soon as I saw her chasing after me

Cops said I could go and have a nice day

BTW the dog seemed OK but I'm sure he lost his footing and got dragged a bit

Was the dogs name "skip"?