I used to smoke cigarettes. There is a genetic connection between cigarettes and heart disease in my family. When I had my heart attack, I finally found the will to quit. It wasn't the heart attack, it was a promise I made to my wife a daughter. I finally had the strength to do it.
I think it take more than our own desire to stop a bad habit or addiction. I think it takes something outside ourselves. A sincere promise to people I loved did it for me. I couldn't let them down. Or maybe it is a belief in god and a promise to him that you won't do it again. Whatever it is, there is a higher power than our weak selves that we have to find. Something that means more to us than the thing that seems to take over our will at times.
There is a a christian biker group in our town. They look like the worst of the worst, till you see them delivering food to the homeless shelter, or toys to poor kids at Christmas. They are all ex junkies, crystal meth mostly I think, but these days they clean others up.
The point is not to stay down, You recognize it, that is more than a lot of folks do. You have a desire to not continue destructive behavior, that again is more than most. Just find whatever it is that can help you and keep trying.
We all have faith here, maybe not in the same things, but we are a bunch of positive can do guys. If you build bikes you are a can do guy. Someone who can succeed is a builder. Most people aren't able to look back with pride and say I made that. People smile when we go by on our homemade toys. So that is positive reinforcement for us every day.
Just keep fighting man. You obviously are a fighter so just don't quit. It will work out for you as long as you fight the fight. Only quitters lose in the long run. I have been on both sides of the coin and I like heads better. I expect that you have found your support group here.
