Terrible, terrible.

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Bikeguy Joe

Bikeguy Joe

Godfather of Motorized Bicycles
Jan 8, 2008
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Well, not even sure why I am posting this...don't want to bum anyone out before the holidays, but being that you guys are all "brothers in biking" I thought I would at least put it out there. Maybe someone has some words to help.

My sister passed away a short time ago, and I have been the one to have to inform all the other family members, including my dad. Rough, really rough.

She had diabetes, and some other health issues, but nobody knew it was anywhere near as bad as it was. She ended up in the hospital, and they told her she had but a very short time. She was unable to call any of us (myself, my brother, sister or dad) before she went into respiratory arrest.

To add to the angst, apparently, since they had no next of kin info, they released her remains to one of her friends, who also didn't have any contact info. Still trying to track this person down and find out if they did something with her ashes, or????? My dad (a newb motorized biker since a couple of months ago) is a wreck, and we are not going to have any kind of a holiday this time around. None of us ever saw this coming. She was only 51 years old.

My sister was "responsible" for a lot of what made me who I am. She encouraged my inventiveness, writing, music and appreciation of the arts. She also taught me to be a "rebel" and question everything, and for that I loved her dearly.

I just wish that we could have at least been with her, and had some last words or something. Don't know what else to say, except "R.I.P" Kathy, we loved you.

Thanks for listening,
Joe
 
F

fasteddy

Well-Known Member
Feb 13, 2009
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Good Lord that is terrible. First to lose her and then to have no one to contact about about where she is.
From my family, who I just told and are shocked that this could happen, to your family we can only say how sorry we are about your loss. Words always seem so inadequate at a time like this.

Steve.
 
KilroyCD

KilroyCD

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Jul 22, 2008
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Joe, I am terribly sorry to hear of your loss. I doubt there is anything I or anyone else can say that can truly soften the blow of losing a loved one, especially at such a young age. However, I can commiserate with you, having lost my father four months ago and a dear family friend this past Thursday. It won't be easy getting over your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
 
silverbear

silverbear

The Boy Who Never Grew Up
Jul 9, 2009
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Joe,
I know this is really hard to deal with on so many levels. In this dominant culture we have few "ceremonies" and without having her ashes even, it is doubly hard. May I suggest making your own ceremony in honoring her, remembering all she gave you, recognizing her spirit. What I'm suggesting is not a religious practice of any kind and I'm not suggesting any belief system. You are a writer and she was your cheer leader as you wrote. So write to her and say whatever you want, whatever flows through your fingertips. When you feel like you have said what you wish you could have expressed to her, read it out loud perhaps by candlelight. You might also wish to print out what you have written and then burn it. Take those ashes of words for your sister and distribute the ashes somewhere important to her or you or both. Let the spirit of those ashes join the spirit of the ashes of her remains wherever they are. I wish her well in her journey home and may you also remember the good things in celebration of her life. Be well. In my world I am a pipe carrier which is a kind of spiritual adviser. I read our post and this is what came to me, so I pass it along to you. I hope I have not offended you in any way.
Miiew (that's all),
SB
 
2door

2door

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Sep 15, 2008
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Not much comfort, I know but you have friends here, Joe who care about you. Our thoughts are with you today, my friend, and hope all goes well for you and the family. Keep us informed, please.
Tom
 
Bikeguy Joe

Bikeguy Joe

Godfather of Motorized Bicycles
Jan 8, 2008
11,837
252
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up north now
Thanks guys....dreamed about her all night (when I wasn't awake worrying about my dad). Guess being the holiday, I can't expect her friend to drop everything and get right back to us as to where her ashes are. We DID manage to get a name and phone number and called, left a message, but no response.

Waiting, waiting. Cooking to keep my mind off of stuff. Got up way too early and got the holiday meal cooked by 7 am.

Raining, dark, sad, blarg....
 
Pablo

Pablo

Master Bike Builder & Forum Sponsor
Dec 28, 2007
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That sucks.

51 is way too early to go. Hang in there man.

My sister in law died right after going to the hospital and none of us thought it was anything too serious. She had circulation issues.

I hesitate to say this, but I hope this pulls your family into closer communication and maybe others reading it as well. We sometimes need to go out of our way to "check" on others, even sometimes when they don't ask.
 
deacon

deacon

minor bike philosopher
Jan 15, 2008
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Joe,

I am very sorry or your loss. As you say it is a terrible time of the year for this to happen (as if there was a good time). Still it is a terrible tragedy for your family. I'm sure we will all keep a good thought for you and your family.

My own sister passed away last year and it was like the ending of a chapter in my life. Everyone is a character unto themselves, but she was truly one of a kind. Her passing was over a long period and I would not wish that on anyone, Maybe a quick no fuss ending is how she would have wanted it to happen. It's how my dad went, and I hope how I go.

Remember you have a huge family here, so have the best holiday possible under the circumstances. I am sure it is what she would have wanted for you.
 
azbill

azbill

Active Member
May 18, 2008
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I am sorry to hear of your loss :(
my brother's wife of 23 years passed to a better place in her sleep 12 days ago as well
it must be hardest on the parents :(

remember all the good stuff, and the pain will fade eventually
 
B

Buzzard

Member
Jul 9, 2008
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Lincoln, NE
Bikeguy Joe....I can sympathize with the loss of your sister, I lost my only sibling when she was only 15 (she was a freshman and I was a Senior in High School)..due to a brain tumor...that many years ago no one took notice of her headaches and other problems. It took a huge chunk out of my life. Time does heal but you never forget the loss. Please accept our sympathy from myself and my LadyG.
Larry
 
Elmo

Elmo

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Sep 3, 2009
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Brother Joe my heart goes out to you and your family in your loss. I have had a prayer for you and family. May God give you strength and comfort, wisdom and understanding and may he heal your heart and may you emerge stronger from this sad time. May god be with you.
 
Bikeguy Joe

Bikeguy Joe

Godfather of Motorized Bicycles
Jan 8, 2008
11,837
252
63
up north now
Well guys, I really do find some comfort in all your words.

Having said that, I will be totally honest with you all. Most of you know I am a Christian. My sister was a hard core atheist and "pagan goddess". I am afraid she is lost to me except in my memories. That's the part that really threw me a curve ball.

I guess the memories of her are going to have to suffice and I will not worry about the nuts and bolts of it all.

Who really knows who finds God and when, especially in the end.
 
deacon

deacon

minor bike philosopher
Jan 15, 2008
8,114
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Or even what finding god really means. I can remember in boot camp after a week we were forced to go to chapel where the Chaplin asked how many of you have prayed. Hardly anyone raised their hands, then he continued. "Oh come now, how many of you have said at least once God Help Me. everyone raised their hand. See I knew you were all believers.

So who knows what it all means.
 
Creative Engineering

Creative Engineering

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Sep 20, 2008
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Bikeguy Joe said:
Well guys, I really do find some comfort in all your words.

Having said that, I will be totally honest with you all. Most of you know I am a Christian. My sister was a hard core atheist and "pagan goddess". I am afraid she is lost to me except in my memories. That's the part that really threw me a curve ball.

I guess the memories of her are going to have to suffice and I will not worry about the nuts and bolts of it all.

Who really knows who finds God and when, especially in the end.
Click to expand...
Joe,

I know I'm probably the last person you would want to hear from...but...

It is your memories of her that have given her a place in heaven...

Jim
 
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