How's it goin' eh? It sounds like you don't know about this site: http://speeddemon.ca/motorized-bicyc...ts.html?cat=30
You could also weld some rear drop-outs and use adjustable chain tensioners found at:
No worries man, I know you was just letting out some frustration and I found it quite funny. I hope that Speeddemon is close enough for you to drive to or get a friend to get you there. A cold six pack goes a long way, but of course, only after the driving is done. I will try to help you as best I can and Speeddemon will be a great resource for you.